Monday, 20 April 2009

Finger-pricking chicken

It’s no fun having to test your blood 6 times a day!

Finger-pricking chicken

It’s not that I’m a chicken
I just hate that finger pricking,
And now the clock is ticking
Till it’s finger pricking time!

All the companies say they’re blameless,
‘For our lancets are quite painless’
But I think they are all shameless
For the feeling’s not sublime!

I could show them my contusions,
For that needle-sharp protusion
Causes pain that’s no illusion,
I feel sure that you’ll agree.

I know it sounds pathetic
But I’d like an anaesthetic!
Wish I wasn’t diabetic,
Then I’d really be pain-free!

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Oh, I wish I was a fishy in the Aitch-beeay-one Sea!

All people with diabetes will be familiar with the HbA1c blood test, which measures the average blood glucose saturation over the previous 6-12 weeks. Ideally, this should be in the region of 5 to 6 percent if potential diabetic complications are to be avoided…

Oh, I wish I was a fishy in the Aitch-beeay-one Sea!
With a sugar content of five percent – that’s where I’d love to be!
Imagine all the freedom you would feel when you were roaming
In the blood-red flowing currents of glycated haemoglobin!
Free from fear of frightening things, like losing sight or losing limbs,
To rest assured and confident – with five percent I’d be content!

Friday, 3 April 2009

The Rude Receptionists

We’ve all met doctor’s receptionists that are rude and unhelpful from time to time. They’re not all like that, of course, but I heard of a recent incident where a diabetic patient was attempting to hand in a sharps bin (a sealed, plastic bucket for storing used needles and lancets) at her doctor’s surgery…

The Rude Receptionists

‘I’ve filled up my sharps bin, can I give it to you?’
‘I’m not sure if we take them, I don’t think that we do!
I’ll just wait for Elsie, till she’s done on the phone,
I don’t want to make the decision alone.’

‘Ah look! See, she’s finished – Elsie, what do you think?
If we took in this sharps bin, would they kick up a stink?’
‘No, I don’t think we take them, we ought to ask Kate…
I don’t think she’s here yet, she’s coming in late.’

‘Do you think you could come back when there’s more of us here?
We can’t make the decision, I know it sounds queer.
It’s more than our job’s worth! When we got employed
We were told all the things we’re supposed to avoid.’

‘Like being efficient, polite and at ease,
We’re supposed to ignore you and do as we please.
And if you get angry and kick up a fuss,
We’ll tell all and sundry that you wear a truss!’

‘And if you should happen to come in here ill
We’ll make you stand waiting – it gives us a thrill!
There’ll be no appointments if you need to be seen –
We’re supposed to be grumpy, obstructive and mean.’

‘Could you move to the side please? I think I saw Kate!
Perhaps you’d move quicker if you lost some of that weight!
Ah Kate! Can you tell me before you go in,
Do you ever remember us taking a bin?’

‘I don’t think we take them.’ ‘No, that’s what I thought.’
‘Be patient now, madam, please don’t get distraught!’
‘Perhaps if we rang up Elaine in supplies?’
‘She might not have time – she’s up to her eyes!’

‘Oh please will you take it? I’ve been here an hour!
Perhaps I could talk to someone with more power?’
‘There’s Dr. Fitzmichael, I think he will know…
Too late – that’s his Volvo! I just saw it go!’

‘Well…perhaps we could take it, and when he gets back
We’ll find out if that’s why Janine got the sack…
No! Don’t pass it over! I might get infections!
We have to take care with all our collections!’

‘Elsie, pass me those gloves, and Kate - you watch out!
You have to be careful with addicts about!
That is why you’ve got this? Because you take drugs?
I wouldn’t let your type drink out of our mugs!’

‘Now, pass it me slowly, are you sure it’s tight shut?
Imagine of one of those stuck in my foot!
Goodbye! No, you’re welcome – I hope that you’ve learned
We’d rather this wasn’t where your bins are returned…!’