Tuesday, 7 July 2009

The Pump-O-Dyne Eight

There’s a lot of talk about insulin pumps these days. Over in the US, they are fairly common as they tend to be financed by private health insurance, but in the UK it can be quite a battle to get them funded on the National Health Service – you have to prove that you would benefit significantly from having one, rather than using the much cheaper method of MDI (Multiple Daily Injections – now sometimes called BB, or Basal-Bolus). Usually, that would mean that you were finding it very difficult to get control of your blood sugar levels, leaving you at greater risk of diabetic complications.

I have very good control, so the only way I would probably be considered for one would be if, say, a rock-bottom model were to emerge that cut costs significantly. If probably wouldn’t be as elegant as some of the more expensive models, and possibly a bit more unwieldy. Probably something along these lines…

Hello, will you sit down? I’ve something to say.
You remember about pumping? How we said we can’t pay?
Well, I’m happy to tell you that we have found a way,
For a new pumping company has entered the fray!

Now, please don’t be shocked, for I know it looks cheap,
But the cost of those others would just make you weep!
And we’d love to provide them if the costs weren’t so steep…
So, just close your eyes now – and promise you won’t peep!

Tada! There you have it! The Pump –O-Dyne Eight!
With its own little trolley (because of the weight),
And here is the thing that straps onto your back,
With the steam-powered motor in its own special pack…

Now here, let me hold that, and you climb aboard!
Let’s get you strapped in with this thick nylon cord…
Don’t spill that jug where the insulin’s stored!
Come on! Are you thrilled? Let's hear you applaud!

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