Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Chocolate Chickens and Diabetic Eggs

Well, Christmas is over, and no sooner had the New Year started than the Easter Eggs began lining the shelves of the shops and supermarkets up and down the land. One particular variety is the ‘diabetic egg’, ostensibly produced to satisfy the niche market of those poor souls amongst us that cannot tolerate real sugar and real chocolate. How are these eggs produced? In factory farms, with row upon row of unfortunate chocolate birds with their pancreatic ducts tightly ligated? A scandal! And you will find whole sections, particularly in pharmacists, dedicated to ‘diabetic chocolate, sweets and cakes’, giving the impression that people with diabetes can only enjoy specialised products that need to be set aside from the treats of the general public. Or have I got it wrong, and it is the chocolate itself that is diabetic, its pancreas removed during manufacture in order to make it palatable to some ghoulish section of the community?

My eyes weep for the plight of those skilled, but dreadfully abused diabetic members of the Belgian nation, forced to work long hours in dark, squalid chocolate factories – in stark contrast to the luxuriously packaged edible nirvana we see adorning specialist shop windows, proudly proclaiming their origins as ‘Diabetic Belgian Chocolates’…

This madness must end! Let the chocolate chickens roam free and lay normal-sized crème and truffle eggs that we can all enjoy with a clear conscience! Let no more chocolate suffer the pain and indignity of having its pancreas torn from within for the sake of a specialist market! And let the diabetic Belgians out into the sunlight, to make ordinary chocolates alongside their non-diabetic compatriots!

How does a chocolate chicken lay a diabetic egg?
It’s something I have pondered for some time,
They must be enormous chickens, and decidedly bow-legged,
It’s not normal, and must be a poultry crime!

Does chocolate have a pancreas? For I saw once in the shops
A section for the diabetic kind…
Are they made that way on purpose? Then if so, please call the cops!
That’s as bad as making a Venetian blind!

Are diabetic Belgians especially employed
To make the staples of that nation’s fare?
Do they work in chocolate sweatshops the authorities avoid?
Does the chocolate-eating public really care?

Let us shout a cry of ‘freedom!’ for I think the time has come
For those labelled ‘diabetic’ to break free!
We’re no different from the masses, and far healthier than some,
And no more chocolate chickens should we see!

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