Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Hyper Slugs

It’s a little known fact that diabetics need to keep their distance from slugs. I read recently on the forum about a poor lady who chanced upon a slug that had crawled onto her cooker during the night and so distressed her that her blood sugar levels shot up and stayed high for several hours afterwards. I can only speculate that there is some form of chemical message that is given off by the noxious slime they leave in their wake, stimulating stress hormones in humans, and raising blood sugar levels.

Caution should therefore be observed when these creatures are in the vicinity, and the age-old defences of salt and beer should be administered immediately on sight, before any harm is done…

It may befall you, late at night, to wander through the house,
But be beware of things that lurk, like spider, slug or mouse!
What’s that you say? A mouse is known to scurry through the gloom,
And spiders too may weave their webs in corners of the room…
But slugs? You speak in jest my friend! What fears do they inspire?
They’ll hardly leap from out the murk, or breathe on you with fire!

But slugs have powers little known – the slime that they exude
Can raise the sugars in the blood, playing havoc with your mood!
Emitting powerful pheromones, they signal to your brain
To flood your blood with cortisol, until the slug is slain!
So arm yourself with salt and beer, to keep the beasts at bay!
And slay the ghastly gastropods – despatch them on their way!


  1. A very amusing poem :)It is wonderful to be able to laugh at something I struggle so much with; please keep the poems coming!

  2. Thanks John, glad you are enjoying them - I'll try my best!