Sunday, 13 June 2010

The Weigh In

We happened to be talking on the forum about the nurse who had spent an entire consultation relating her own troubles and woes (see Nurse Ne’er Do Well), and another member related the story of how she met a similarly insensitive and rude nurse at her diabetic check up. Apparently, the nurse was an agency nurse who normally worked at a Harley Street weight-loss clinic which promoted an extreme diet of yoghurt and soup for two weeks. Without a thought for the lady’s feelings, or even her need for such a diet, she continued on…here’s what happened:

Off for my check up, weight, BP and wiz,
It’s an agency nurse who’s conducting the biz,
So as you might do, in a jocular way,
‘I hope I haven’t gained any!’, I happened to say.

She raised her right eyebrow, in Roger Moore style,
And pursing her lips, looked down at my file.
‘Just take off your boots please, and stand on the scales,
Haven’t seen so much blubber since I went watching whales!

I found that offensive, and was about to say so,
When she spouted forth wisdom she thought I should know.
She put down her pen as she warmed to her cause,
And gave me no chance as she said without pause:

‘You don’t have to be big and hefty my dear!
I know that for women your size that’s a fear,
There’s an easy solution you really must try –
Either that, or grow fat, so fat you might die!’

‘Two cans of soup, the Weight Watchers kind,
Plus six natural yoghurts, and I think you will find
That after two weeks you’ll have lost thirty pounds,
And be able to walk without shaking the ground!’

At this I was speechless, for what did I see?
But a twenty stone nurse who was talking to me!
‘You should take your own medicine, for I strongly advise
That you give up the booze and stop eating the pies!’

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