Saturday, 24 July 2010

Who needs a psychic octopus when you've got diabetes?

Recently, I’ve noticed that my blood sugar levels have been higher than I’m normally used to seeing, plus giving myself extra insulin doesn’t quite seem to do the trick. For example, this time last week I had a total daily dose (TDD) of 28 units of insulin – yesterday I had 43 units, but still ran high levels for part of the day. How to explain this? Well, with diabetes (and the ability to measure your blood sugar with a meter) you can see how your body is beginning to fight an infection before you feel any other symptoms. In my non-diabetic days, the first I would have known that I had caught a cold or stomach bug would have been when I started sneezing, sniffling or feeling poorly. Now I can become aware of it at least two or three days earlier, effectively seeing into the future! Of course, my pre-cognition only extends as far as personal illness is concerned, not predicting the outcome of World Cup Finals, so Paul the Octopus still has his niche! But I’m working on a way to get my diabetes to help me predict lottery numbers – perhaps my meter is trying to tell me something…!

Who needs a psychic octopus,
The future to foretell?
A cold Cassandra cephalopod,
When I can do as well?

Who needs a mentalist mollusc,
Who crawls the ocean floor,
To tell us what the future holds,
When my meter tells me more?

For, blessed with diabetes
My predictive powers are strong,
And unlike squid or nautilus,
I’m very rarely wrong!

So when my levels start to climb,
But nothing else seems wrong,
Then be assured that I will be
Quite ill before too long!

Before this foul disease took hold,
I lacked this inbuilt sense,
Consulting eight-limbed oracles
For my fate a few days hence.

But now I plan to make me rich –
My meter holds the key!
And when I get the numbers right,
I’ll win the lottery!

Hurrah for diabetes!

1 comment:

  1. This poem is hilarious, keep posting please! Unfortunately for me, a "brittle" type one diabetic, I fluctuate so frequently that I never know if I'm doing something wrong or if it's something more sinister inside my body, and consequently have no psychic predictions concerning my upcoming health :)

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