Saturday, 21 August 2010

It's behind you! An alternative to injections?

Is there a solution for those poor insulin-dependent diabetics who have needle phobia? A less embarrassing method of delivering insulin when in a club or restaurant than having to get out all that paraphernalia and drawing attention to yourself? Apparently so – a company called Oramed Pharmaceuticals have been working on a different method of delivering insulin, via rectal insertion of a suppository! Imagine how much more socially acceptable this would be than injecting in public – how could anyone possibly object to someone pushing something up their behind before eating? Oh, if only Messrs Banting and Best had put their energies into this method of delivery, then we wouldn’t all be marked out as druggies and junkies by a shocked and disgusted Joe Public!

Ah, welcome Mr Jones, to your annual review!
I hope that you’ve been keeping well?
There’s been an advancement – it’s something quite new,
You can’t wait to hear, I can tell!

I know that, for you, there’s a deep-seated fear
Of each insulin injection you face,
You might even say it’s a pain in the rear,
Well, here’s something I’m sure you’ll embrace!

‘What? Is it a pill I can swallow each night?
Oh, that would be perfect for me!
For, try as I might, needles give me a fright,
And hurt like the sting from a bee!’

Not a pill that you swallow, though you’re on the right lines,
Nor a patch or a gum that you chew…
Now I hope you don’t mind, please expose your behind,
And I’ll just ‘introduce’ it to you!

There now, that didn’t hurt! Did you feel any pain?
It’s quick and so easy to do!
Oh dear, it’s popped out! I’ll just try it again…
Now don’t squeal or fart till I’m through!

You’ll soon get the hang, when you’re out on the town,
Of inserting this handy suppository!
You just need to turn round, pull your trousers right down,
And discreetly fill your rectal depository!

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