Monday, 4 October 2010

The Dangers of Left Nostril Neglect

The world of health is truly bizarre. Common problems that have afflicted mankind through the ages have engendered many weird and wonderful theories about their origins and how they may be prevented or cured. One of my favourites of the day has to be the prevention of diabetes through the practice of ‘Nadi Sodhana’ - the yoga technique of alternate nostril breathing! Apparently, the yogis have known for centuries about the ‘nasal cycle’, whereby humans favour one nostril over the other for breathing. The preferred nostril in a healthy individual apparently changes over a period of about two hours, but should one nostril exceed its allotted time significantly then dire consequences can ensue!

Breathing predominantly via the right nostril is apparently one of the major causes of diabetes! But wait, you can’t escape by favouring your left nostril, for this will put you at risk of developing asthma! Fortunately, both diseases can be avoided by learning to optimise your nasal cycle. I feel this should be taught in every school…!

Madam, please excuse me, if I may be so bold,
I’ve noticed how you’re breathing, because the day is cold!
The vapours you’re emitting cloud the autumn air,
Revealing that you’re risking things you may not be aware!

What nonsense sir, please leave me be, and let me on my way!
You don’t know me from Adam, what a stupid thing to say!
I learned to take in oxygen since I took my first breath
And I don’t intend to change my ways until I meet with death!

Forgive me madam, but you must! Or one day you might find
Your life afflicted by disease – the diabetic kind!
For you don’t use your passages to optimum effect:
The right one is in favour, but the left one you neglect!

My passages? How dare you sir! How could you be so rude?
Your language, sir, is intimate, and borders on the lewd!
Oh madam, let me clarify! I’m speaking of your nose!
For when you take in oxygen, that’s mainly where it goes!

You need to learn to use the left, and I can teach you how!
I’d like to stick my finger up – that’s if you will allow?
Be on your way you awful man, or we will come to blows,
And you’ll find trouble breathing when I spifflicate your nose!


  1. Wonderful. That's all I can say because I lack the words. Wonderful.

  2. Thank you Sunny! glad you liked it :)