Thursday, 4 November 2010

The Eye Hospital

I went to the Eye Hospital today as a follow-up to my retinal scan a few months ago. The doctors were concerned that my eyes showed ‘diabetic changes’ so wanted to investigate further. The initial part of the appointment was very much the same as having a retinal scan – drops in eyes to dilate pupils to the size of dinner plates, wait for them to take effect, then have retinal photographs taken. Having your pupils dilate like that has the inevitable consequence of making everything seem exceedingly bright, and also makes it impossible to focus on any text smaller than large billboard size.

Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I realised that the waiting room was liberally spread with reading matter of all varieties – a bookshelf, stacks of magazines on a table, and an extensive range of pamphlets covering a broad spectrum of physical ailments, their symptoms and treatment. Looking around at the other patients it was clear (even through blurred eyes!) that none of them was capable of reading any of this without the aid of the Hubble Space telescope! I don’t think they had quite thought this through…!

Now you’ve had your drops, please go and sit down,
Before long they will call out your name…
You just need to wait whilst your pupils dilate
And your retinas start to inflame!

But let me just show you, for it may be some time,
Our library of books old and new!
We’ve novels and thrillers, and can’t-put-them-downs,
There’s bound to be one to suit you!

Or if you prefer, there’s a fantastic range
Of magazines to flick through and browse!
There’s fashion and cars and gardening and golf,
Or farming if you’ve a passion for cows!

If that’s not to your taste, take a look over here
At our leaflets displayed in this rack!
There’s all you need know about things ‘down below’
Or ways you might injure your back!

In an EYE hospital nurse? Have you quite thought this through?
It ought to be no big surprise
For the reason we’re here is abundantly clear –
We’ve got something wrong with our eyes!

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