Thursday, 19 May 2011

The Melon Cure!

There are lots of natural remedies that can help people with diabetes maintain good blood glucose levels, although their efficacy is often difficult to prove, and relying on them can be potentially dangerous. One such remedy is bitter melon, or bitter gourd, and the majority of advocates of this recommend eating the fruit or seeds, or taking the active ingredients in a supplement.

However, in the wacky world of diabetes, there’s always one stand-out fruitloop who puts forward a bizarre slant of their own, and offering a cure. Bitter melon is no exception. I won’t publicise the site that suggests this, but the method is as follows:

“Take half kg of bitter gourd in a big container and stand in it with clean feet. Then crush the bittergourds with your feet continuously. Then you will start to get the bitter taste of bittergourd in your tongue. Getting the taste of bittergourd without eating, is in itself a miracle. Do this daily for about 7 days. Then check your blood sugar level. When you do this ‘exercise’ regularly remain assured that your blood glucose level will remain in control.”

So, let us imagine then a specialised Cure Centre, run by a hard-nosed and officious instructor who will, for a fee, ensure you comply with the demands of the cure…

Keep your knees up number three! I want to see you sweat!
If you put in the work then this will cure you, don’t you fret!
And number five – I’m watching you! Stop paddling around!
I should be hearing squelching, but I hardly hear a sound!

Excuse me, are you Norman? I’m here about the cure.
I thought I’d found the right address, but now I’m not so sure!
No, you’re not mistaken, have you got your receipt?
Ah yes, that seems in order, now let me see your feet!

Cubicle number four is free, it just needs swilling out,
So go and get your swimsuit on and I’ll give you a shout!
I’m sorry? I don’t follow you – don’t I get a pill?
Don’t be so ridiculous! Now, in here if you will…

Now, on the rail behind you, suspended from a cord
You’ll find a row of melons, also known as bitter gourd.
Nut them with your forehead and split them on the ground,
And then get those legs pumping, and your feet stomping around!

I’ll make sure you keep working, so there’ll be no slacking off –
I want to see your melons pulverised inside that trough!
If you make the effort and maintain a good technique,
Then I can guarantee you – you’ll be cured within a week!


  1. Where in the hell do you FIND this stuff? Hilarious!!! Oh, When I lived in Taiwan, bitter gourd was in everything and it was the most disgusting thing on the planet. YUCK!!!!!

  2. Perhaps we as people with diabetes should publish cures for stupidity (the first one I volunteer is for them to take their heads out of their @$$es)? This might take care of some of these morons who hope to cash in on desperate people who might pay for crap like this.

  3. It'll keep your feet clean though!!! lol