Research is very important in the field of diabetes, and there are some very important and practical discoveries being made all the time that help to make my life easier and safer – and maybe one day I’ll be rid of this disease completely thanks to the wonderful work done by the world’s scientists. However, every now and then I come across reports of research that, to me, seems totally worthless, and I wonder how on earth they get funding for it! A recent example was the ‘discovery’ that people with Type 2 diabetes got better blood sugar readings when they replaced a breakfast muffin with a scoop of mixed nuts. No sh*t Sherlock! Blood sugar levels are raised primarily by the carbohydrate we consume. Muffins contain carbohydrate, nuts contain relatively few carbohydrates, ergo muffins are more likely to raise your blood sugar levels! What is the point of testing such obvious theories when the real puzzles about diabetes need vital money?I’m pleased to announce without further ado
Our findings, which I’m sure will all astound you!
For fifteen long years at considerable expense
We’ve tested our theories, now they seem to make sense!
We discovered diabetics, when their levels are high,
Feel grumpy and thirsty, and we think we know why!
It’s because it’s not normal to be in that state –
So keep levels normal if you don’t want that fate!
And in one of our tests we discovered that bread
Increased the blood glucose, so eat bacon instead!
An historic observation, I am sure you’ll agree,
And all thanks to the money allocated to me!
And thirty nine subjects who consumed only jam
For a week and a day, then replaced it with ham,
Found their levels would rise when they ate something sweet,
But their levels were fine if they ate only meat!
And our insulin study is a fantastic success!
We gave some subjects lots and some others much less –
If we gave them too much, they collapsed on the floor,
But giving them too little showed that they needed more!
So we hope you are pleased that you funded our tests,
Such groundbreaking results – I can see you’re impressed!
And all this achieved – as cheap as it sounds –
For the paltry little sum of two million pounds!