Yet another ‘miracle cure’ for diabetes, this time consisting of drinking plain old water. The catch with this one though, is the quantity you have to consume – half your body weight in ounces per day! Now, I’m not sure that that means if you weigh 200 pounds you drink 100 ounces, or that you drink 100 pounds in one ounce gulps. Given the nature of these miracle cures, let’s assume the latter…in which case I have only one thing to say – hyponatremia!
Who’s next please? Come up here, and stand on the scales
For the guaranteed cure that, to date, never fails!
Most doctors dismiss this, as daft as that sounds –
Ah! I see you weigh in at just four hundred pounds!
That’s 180 kilos (sounds much less, don’t you think?)
So that’s just 90 litres a day you must drink!
If you start in the morning and imbibe all day long,
You’ll be cured in a fortnight – what on earth could go wrong?
I’ll admit there’s a chance that you may get confused,
And your brain cells might swell – but it’s not like they’re used!
For most people who come here and believe in this cure
Wouldn’t notice if they left with a few billion fewer!
And you may lose your appetite and become very sick,
And the headaches and convulsions may come on very quick,
And you may feel quite dizzy, or become comatose –
But it’s over a week since we’ve had one of those!