Five Point Six

Blood glucose meters are a pretty fundamental part of any diabetic’s kit these days. They allow us to test and hopefully confirm that our blood glucose levels are within a normal range, lowering the threat of complications from the condition. In most parts of the world, meters measure blood glucose in millimoles per litre and a non-diabetic person will stay within a range of around 4.0-7.0 mmol/l.

Thus, an ideal figure to encounter when testing your blood is somewhere in the middle of this range. Practically all the companies that manufacture meters appear to have agreed on a figure of 5.6 mmol/l, and proudly display this coveted figure in all their meter adverts – but I’ve been looking back through my diary and it’s seems this level is about as rare as chicken lips!




What a magical number is five point six!
What a heartwarming figure to see!
But elusive and mythical, impossible to fix,
A number you are unlikely to see…

For the meter will show just too high or too low,
Or may even show an extreme,
But to see five point six on my little box of tricks –
I’d be like the cat with the cream!

It’s a subliminal ruse that the companies use
To persuade us their meter’s ideal,
And help us to choose, and believe we can’t lose –
Just imagine how much better we’d feel!

But I won’t give up hope, and I think I can cope
If the figure I see’s five point seven…
For it’s just within scope of that slippery slope
To a number that’s blood glucose heaven!

Eye Noon

One of the scary ‘complications’ of diabetes is retinopathy, which affects the sight and can lead to blindness. As I understand it, poor blood sugar control causes the tiny blood vessels in the eyes to become narrowed and rupture. The human body being the remarkable thing that it is, new vessels are then formed to ‘re-route’ the blood. Unfortunately, these can then affect an area of the eye called the macula, and it is this that can cause the blindness. If caught early enough, the condition can be treated with lasers, preventing further deterioration. For this reason, all diabetics in the UK should go at least annually for a retinopathy scan – I’ve got mine due in a couple of weeks. A special camera is used to photograph the retina, and this can then be compared to previous scans for any changes or progression of problems.

So, this poem is a bit weird, and a bit allegorical – hopefully it’s not too difficult to work out what it’s all about!

Now, Eyeball was a mean old town,
A perilous place to be!
An evil trio ruled the roost –
The Rhettin Hopper Three!

They ran the bar ‘The Sugar Vole’
And challenged any man
Who dared to drink their whisky sour
To see straight if he can.

Across the road was Inn Sue Lynn,
Whose business once was fine,
Run by a gal called Pam Creeyass,
Now sadly in decline.

The sheriff of that sorry place,
A man called Mack Yoolar,
Was powerless to uphold the law,
Despite his sheriff’s star.

And then one hot and dusty day,
A stranger came to town,
Confronted by the Hopper gang,
Who laid the challenge down!

‘Don’t listen!’, cried out Pam Creeyass,
‘Their drink affects your sight!
It’s cheap and nasty syrupy stuff
That turns the day to night!’

The sheriff stumbled across the road
And took the stranger’s arm.
‘I’ll lock you in the Beta Cells,
To keep your eyes from harm!’

The stranger shrugged the sheriff off
And drew aside his coat.
The crowd all gasped, they knew the score,
His chances were remote.

He walked into The Sugar Vole
And scrutinised the scene.
He saw the jars of whisky where
The soft drinks should have been…

Rhettin Hopper taunted him,
‘No stranger frightens me!
As long as we have whisky here,
This town will ne’er be free!’

The stranger drew his gun real fast,
And in a flash of light,
Each vessel stored behind the bar
Was blasted out of sight!

‘You’ve saved us all!’ cried Pam Creeyass,
‘And now that we are free,
There’ll be no future in this town
For the Rhettin Hopper Three!’

And so, the stranger married Pam,
And they became sheep farmers,
They reared some tiny Andean sheep,
Called micro-vascu llamas!

Bolus for a biscuit!

I’m in two minds about insulin pumps. I can get through my days reasonably well and my blood sugar levels are extremely good. But since I became tied to only eating if I inject, and only exercising if my levels are just right, then worrying afterwards if they’ll fall too low because the basal insulin I injected 12 hours ago is now too high – I’ve been becoming more and more seduced by the flexibility that a pump would bring. The downside for me at the moment is whether I really want to be permanently attached and dependent on a sophisticated electronic device. Injections seem to be so much simpler, but do limit your lifestyle considerably compared to a non-diabetic’s. Pumps can make such tiny and rapid adjustments that they much more closely mimic a fully-functioning pancreas. However, because of the expense involved, it’s unlikely to be a choice I’ll have to make any time soon…
One hundred and twenty five monthly injections,
One thousand, five hundred a year,
And virtual abstention from sugary confections –
Now which do you think you’d prefer?

If your other choice was, instead of a pen,
To wear a device day and night
That pumped constant insulin under your skin,
Can you say? Do you think that you might?

What if the tubing should get pulled loose
As you toss and turn in your bed?
Or coils itself into a hangman’s noose,
And then you should wake up dead?!

Imagine though, if you were offered some cake,
When at one time you wouldn’t dare risk it,
The tiny increments you’d be able to make –
And bolus for a biscuit!

So if your levels swing from low to high,
Or possibly go ballistic!
Then let electronic wizards show you why
The future’s optimistic!

The Three A.M. Club

Low blood sugar can occur at any time of day or night, but it can be the night-time ones that are the most troubling, as often the symptoms do not awaken a sleeping person so that the hypo can be treated. It can be especially worrying for parents of a diabetic child, as you might imagine. For this reason, it is often suggested that blood sugar levels should be tested during the night to ensure that levels are not dropping too low. Generally speaking, three in the morning is when levels are likely to be at their lowest, so this is the most appropriate time for testing – what fun! Imagine all those bleary-eyed adults and sleepy children being pinged with a finger-pricker just at the time when you’re all comfy and snug and dreaming your favourite dream – oh what fun to be a member of the Three a.m. club!



At dead of night when all are sleeping,
Shadows through the room come creeping,
Seeking blood from those who slumber,
Hoping for a perfect number.

What beasts are these, with hair so wild,
Who would disturb a sleeping child?
What brings them at this witching hour?
What misbegotten, ghostly power?

Some phantom from the nether lands
With sharpened lancets in their hands?
A ghoulish, half-lit apparition,
Intent on some demonic mission…

In other houses, adults sleep –
For them, their slumber is so deep
Alarms will wake them with a shock…
Synchronised at Three O’ Clock!

Three is not a time for resting!
Three’s the time for glucose testing!
Join us till we sleep again,
The club that meets at Three A.M….!

The Pump-O-Dyne Eight

There’s a lot of talk about insulin pumps these days. Over in the US, they are fairly common as they tend to be financed by private health insurance, but in the UK it can be quite a battle to get them funded on the National Health Service – you have to prove that you would benefit significantly from having one, rather than using the much cheaper method of MDI (Multiple Daily Injections – now sometimes called BB, or Basal-Bolus). Usually, that would mean that you were finding it very difficult to get control of your blood sugar levels, leaving you at greater risk of diabetic complications.

I have very good control, so the only way I would probably be considered for one would be if, say, a rock-bottom model were to emerge that cut costs significantly. If probably wouldn’t be as elegant as some of the more expensive models, and possibly a bit more unwieldy. Probably something along these lines…



Hello, will you sit down? I’ve something to say.
You remember about pumping? How we said we can’t pay?
Well, I’m happy to tell you that we have found a way,
For a new pumping company has entered the fray!

Now, please don’t be shocked, for I know it looks cheap,
But the cost of those others would just make you weep!
And we’d love to provide them if the costs weren’t so steep…
So, just close your eyes now – and promise you won’t peep!

Tada! There you have it! The Pump –O-Dyne Eight!
With its own little trolley (because of the weight),
And here is the thing that straps onto your back,
With the steam-powered motor in its own special pack…

Now here, let me hold that, and you climb aboard!
Let’s get you strapped in with this thick nylon cord…
Don’t spill that jug where the insulin’s stored!
Come on! Are you thrilled? Let's hear you applaud!