The Podiatrist Who Tickled My Toes

Podiatry, or chiropody as it used to be called – not sure of the difference! – is an important aspect of diabetic care. The feet are particularly vulnerable to microvascular damage from elevated blood sugar levels, so it’s important to have them checked regularly by professionals. The treatment usually involves a variety of procedures: checking for visual signs of damage, checking the pulses to ensure a good blood supply, and checking for nerve damage by gently pricking the soles and toes to look for any lack of sensation.

My feet are very important to me, as a runner, so I make sure I never miss my appointments!




The podiatrist who tickled my toes
Didn’t do it because it was fun.
She did it because it was part of her job
To ensure that I keep every one!

The podiatrist who played with my feet
Didn’t do it to give me a thrill.
She did it to keep each appendage complete,
For I want to have TWO boots to fill!

The podiatrist who pressed on my foot
Didn’t do it to cause me alarm.
She did it to test that each pulse was correct,
In order to keep me from harm.

The podiatrist who said ‘Close your eyes’
Didn’t do it, whilst wielding a pin,
Intending to give me a birthday surprise,
But to say where the pin had gone in!

So I’m thankful to her for her skill,
And the attention she paid to my feet –
Let’s make it quite clear, for at least once a year,
The tickling of feet is a treat!

Do you love the smell of lantus in the evening?

I use two kinds of insulin to control my diabetes – a fast-acting (bolus) one called Novorapid, and a slow-acting (basal) called Lantus. Both have their own particular ‘scent’, but the Lantus is probably the stronger. It’s not an unpleasant aroma. You pick it up when you do an airshot to make sure there are no bubbles of air in the needle. You do this, not because injecting air would do you harm, as it’s only under the skin and not into a vein – but because injecting air means you’re not injecting insulin and therefore not getting a full dose.

Estimating the dose can be an incredibly complex task, as there are so many factors to consider, but in time you begin to get a feeling for what’s right without too much complicated mathematics!



Do you love the smell of lantus in the evening?
Especially when the glucose reading's high?
But too much of it could mean going hypo,
And a late night feast of lucozade and pie.

Do you love the taste of porridge in the morning?
If it's covered with a bolus that's just right.
But working out just how big a bolus
Would even give the Vorderman a fright!

You have to take account of waking sugars,
And if you're going to run a mile or so,
And if that dreaded man-flu you've been feeling
Will need corrective treatment on the go.

Do you love your meter when the reading's normal,
But wish you didn't have to squeeze out blood?
Those fingers, sore from constant piercings
Would rather miss the testing if they could...

Do you sometimes think your body must be stupid
To turn against your pancreas that way?
But thankful that it's something you can manage
If you keep your wits about you day by day.

So, if you've just found out you're diabetic,
As I found out a few short months ago,
Then try to keep your spirits on the high side,
And do your best to keep your 'numbers' low!

Sulphonylureas!

I felt the need to challenge myself, not to write some long, elaborate poem,
but one that would use the word sulphonylureas – it’s a type of drug used in the treatment mainly of Type 2 diabetes. A couple of other quick limericks sprang to mind whilst I was pondering it, but I managed it eventually! I’m still looking for a rhyme for thiazolidinediones though…!






A man went for retinal screening
Without really knowing its meaning,
'You'll have drops, then you'll wait
Till your pupils dilate,
Then we'll know if you need laser healing!'

There was a young man who was vexed at all
This talk about lowering cholesterol.
He packed animal fat in
And took simvastatin,
Now he has a fine level of HDL!

There once was a man who was furious
That he'd been prescribed sulphonylureas!
He took gliclazide,
Saw his blood sugar subside,
And concluded it wasn't injurious!

Five Point Six

Blood glucose meters are a pretty fundamental part of any diabetic’s kit these days. They allow us to test and hopefully confirm that our blood glucose levels are within a normal range, lowering the threat of complications from the condition. In most parts of the world, meters measure blood glucose in millimoles per litre and a non-diabetic person will stay within a range of around 4.0-7.0 mmol/l.

Thus, an ideal figure to encounter when testing your blood is somewhere in the middle of this range. Practically all the companies that manufacture meters appear to have agreed on a figure of 5.6 mmol/l, and proudly display this coveted figure in all their meter adverts – but I’ve been looking back through my diary and it’s seems this level is about as rare as chicken lips!




What a magical number is five point six!
What a heartwarming figure to see!
But elusive and mythical, impossible to fix,
A number you are unlikely to see…

For the meter will show just too high or too low,
Or may even show an extreme,
But to see five point six on my little box of tricks –
I’d be like the cat with the cream!

It’s a subliminal ruse that the companies use
To persuade us their meter’s ideal,
And help us to choose, and believe we can’t lose –
Just imagine how much better we’d feel!

But I won’t give up hope, and I think I can cope
If the figure I see’s five point seven…
For it’s just within scope of that slippery slope
To a number that’s blood glucose heaven!

Eye Noon

One of the scary ‘complications’ of diabetes is retinopathy, which affects the sight and can lead to blindness. As I understand it, poor blood sugar control causes the tiny blood vessels in the eyes to become narrowed and rupture. The human body being the remarkable thing that it is, new vessels are then formed to ‘re-route’ the blood. Unfortunately, these can then affect an area of the eye called the macula, and it is this that can cause the blindness. If caught early enough, the condition can be treated with lasers, preventing further deterioration. For this reason, all diabetics in the UK should go at least annually for a retinopathy scan – I’ve got mine due in a couple of weeks. A special camera is used to photograph the retina, and this can then be compared to previous scans for any changes or progression of problems.

So, this poem is a bit weird, and a bit allegorical – hopefully it’s not too difficult to work out what it’s all about!

Now, Eyeball was a mean old town,
A perilous place to be!
An evil trio ruled the roost –
The Rhettin Hopper Three!

They ran the bar ‘The Sugar Vole’
And challenged any man
Who dared to drink their whisky sour
To see straight if he can.

Across the road was Inn Sue Lynn,
Whose business once was fine,
Run by a gal called Pam Creeyass,
Now sadly in decline.

The sheriff of that sorry place,
A man called Mack Yoolar,
Was powerless to uphold the law,
Despite his sheriff’s star.

And then one hot and dusty day,
A stranger came to town,
Confronted by the Hopper gang,
Who laid the challenge down!

‘Don’t listen!’, cried out Pam Creeyass,
‘Their drink affects your sight!
It’s cheap and nasty syrupy stuff
That turns the day to night!’

The sheriff stumbled across the road
And took the stranger’s arm.
‘I’ll lock you in the Beta Cells,
To keep your eyes from harm!’

The stranger shrugged the sheriff off
And drew aside his coat.
The crowd all gasped, they knew the score,
His chances were remote.

He walked into The Sugar Vole
And scrutinised the scene.
He saw the jars of whisky where
The soft drinks should have been…

Rhettin Hopper taunted him,
‘No stranger frightens me!
As long as we have whisky here,
This town will ne’er be free!’

The stranger drew his gun real fast,
And in a flash of light,
Each vessel stored behind the bar
Was blasted out of sight!

‘You’ve saved us all!’ cried Pam Creeyass,
‘And now that we are free,
There’ll be no future in this town
For the Rhettin Hopper Three!’

And so, the stranger married Pam,
And they became sheep farmers,
They reared some tiny Andean sheep,
Called micro-vascu llamas!