Disgusted nurse gets just desserts

More escapades in the life of the nurse who found the idea of people with diabetes injecting in restaurants abhorrent. Imagine if, one evening, she was in a restaurant that just happened to be filled with insulin-dependent diabetics…imagine her horror…!

The scene: Luigi’s restaurant in downtown Birkenhead,
Full of hungry diners all waiting to be fed,
And there, amongst their number, a very special guest,
The nurse who failed her 101 would face another test…

The customers chatted pleasantly, as wine was passed around,
Our nurse was unaware of how her evening would be crowned…
A secret nod, a knowing wink, would all ensure the plan
Co-ordinated smoothly by each woman and each man.

Spaghetti carbonara and lasagne were brought in,
And all at once was silence – you could have heard a pin!
The nurse’s ears pricked up to hear a host of tiny clicks
As a hundred insulin users prepared to take their fix…!

Airshot after airshot was squirted in the air,
Like tiny dancing fountains from each and every chair!
And then the men exposed the flesh that lay beneath their shirts,
The ladies smiled as they pulled down the waistband of their skirts!

The nurse just stared in horror as the needles all went in,
And pierced the fatty layers that lay beneath the skin!
Well, then she just exploded, it was more than she could stand!
And now she’s pushing daisies up in Nighty-night Nurse Land!

Nurse Unbalanced

Diabetes UK took the rather unwise (in my opinion) editorial decision to allow further space in their ‘Balance’ magazine for the nurse who had previously ranted against people with diabetes injecting in restaurants. In this latest letter she reached a new level of apoplexy, insulting, deriding and attacking those who had responded to her original tirade of vitriolic nonsense. I think the thing that hurt most people that I have spoken to was that DUK should choose to perpetuate her views in a publication whose intent should surely be to provide support and backing for people with diabetes. Moreover, the fact that the letter writer was a nurse (thankfully now retired), might have suggested a greater tolerance and more caring attitude.

This is what I expect in the next issue of Balance from ‘the Nurse’ who will no doubt by then be afforded her own regular column in which she can freely castigate those self-centred junkie diabetics…

You can’t be human if you think
Injecting where I eat and drink
Is something that you can’t avoid,
You’re junkies and you’re paranoid!

And don’t tell me to look away,
I’m nosy and I’ll have my say!
You might as well just slit your throat,
Or hang a sacrificial goat!

Would you display your toilet parts?
Or fill the room with noisy farts?
Or flick your bogies round the room?
You diabetics make me fume!

Of all these things that trouble me –
All anti-social you’ll agree,
But diabetics shooting up
Wins the ‘Nurse Disgusted’ Cup!

So thank you Balance for this page,
Where I can vent my frequent rage,
I’m sure your readers all agree
They’re all disgusting, just like me!

Little Harry Hypo

Having diabetes isn’t fun, and it can be particularly hard for children who just want to blend in with their peers. Even harder, then, for the parents who have to worry about keeping their children safe from ‘hypos’ – when the blood sugar levels fall too low and need rapid treatment with something sweet to raise them again, or risk possible diabetic coma. The best way to reduce that parental stress is to be confident in the little one’s ability to keep his levels ‘within range’, neither too low or too high, and the best way for that to happen is for him to learn about food and how it affects him, and how to give an appropriate dose of insulin for the meal he is about to eat.

Here in the UK there is an education programme called ‘DAFNE’ (Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating) that teaches insulin-dependent diabetics what they need to do to achieve good blood sugar control…

Little Harry Hypo

Little Harry Hypo had a horrid, horrid hat –
His mother made him wear it if he went to chase the cat!
And also, playing cricket, if it was his turn to bat,
I imagine you’d have sympathy if you lived your life like that!

The hat said ‘Diabetic’ in letters large and red,
And when he wore it in the street he wished that he was dead!
‘It’s so that all the people know’, his loving mother said,
‘That if you conk out on the floor, then what you should be fed!’

Now Harry thought that there must be a better way to live –
He felt that he was normal – so much he had to give!
‘I won’t let this stand in my way, I’ll be more positive!’
And so to ditch the hat became the boy’s main objective…

A lovely nurse called Dafne was his saviour in his plight,
She made him study all his food in order that he might
Learn how each food affects him, get his insulin just right,
And now his basal’s sorted no more hypos in the night!

Now Harry doesn’t wear a hat, but just a golden tag,
He’s always sure to carry jelly babies in his bag,
He never thought he’d spend a day his mother didn’t nag –
But now the hat shines shoes and stuff – it’s just another rag!

Please, Mr Food Man

My eyesight’s not bad for my age – it’s only in the past couple of years that I’ve started needing glasses for reading occasionally, if the light’s not good or the text too small. But something that has become apparent to me since my diabetes diagnosis is that food labelling leaves a lot to be desired. It’s important to me to know how much carbohydrate is in a particular foodstuff, so that I can adjust my insulin doses accordingly. Some labelling though, has such tiny writing that it’s only discernible with a magnifying glass! Usually, it’s because the manufacturer is trying to conceal a high sugar content. This is particularly true if the item is ‘low fat’ or ‘virtually fat free’ – the sugar takes the place of the fat but the purchaser is led to believe that the item is ‘healthy’. Why can’t we have more honesty?

Please Mr Food Man

I spy with my little eye,
A hundred food labels that just pass me by
Perhaps, Mr Food Man, you could explain why
The writing’s so small as if hiding a lie.

In bright coloured letters, and bold as can be
The packet says ‘I’m healthy! And almost fat-free!!
But in tiny black letters you can hardly see
Is an excess of sugar that’s harmful to me.

Oh please, Mr Food Man, I’m not being rude!
Why can’t you be honest in labelling food?
If this was America, you’d likely be sued
For hiding the facts with a method so crude.

So, buck your ideas up and please make it clear
That your food’s really healthy, we’ve nothing to fear!
It would make our lives easier and fill us with cheer,
And perhaps, if you did it, we’d buy you a beer!

Low G.I. bread

As a person with diabetes, I’m aware that in order to keep good, even blood sugar levels it’s helpful to eat foods with a low glycaemic index (low GI). A friend related a story about how her local baker was offering ‘Low GI’ bread and, out of devilment, she thought she would go in and see if they knew what ‘GI’ meant…

Low G.I. bread

Down at the bakers, I’ve heard it’s been said,
There’s a good special offer on Low GI bread.
So I put on my coat and set off down the road
For something to lower my glycaemic load.

And there in the window in prominent view
Was a sign confirming what I’d been told was true:
‘Live your life healthy, for you’re a long time dead –
Come in and sample our Low GI bread!’

The devil inside me said ‘I wonder if they know?
They say ‘Low GI’, but what makes it so?’
So I questioned the counter girl, would she comply?
She looked rather puzzled, then gave this reply…

‘Well, the ‘Low’ means there’s less, and the ‘I’ means ‘Inside’,
But as for the ‘G’ I can’t really decide…
Could it be Garlic or Ginger or Goat?
Or (scraping the barrel!) a Gloucestershire stoat?’

‘Or Gherkins or Grapefruit, or maybe Goosefat?’
I suggested ‘Glycaemic?’ – ‘No, I don’t think it’s that –
Gammon? Or Gumbo? Or Guava? Or Gin?’
(She was beginning to wish that I hadn’t come in!)

Then a lady beside me said ‘Why would I pay more
For bread that has less of what went in before?’
That caused the girl’s listing of ‘G’ things to stop,
So we both turned round briskly and vacated the shop!