A Wee Dram!

Diabetes is an expensive disease to treat and manage, and costs are increasing all the time with new, more expensive therapies and an ever-increasing number of new diagnoses. How can these costs be reduced? Is there some way that we can take advantage of the natural sweetness of a diabetic’s urine – first observed in ancient times and giving the disease its name – and generate some kind of income from it?

Indeed there is! London designer James Gilpin has proposed using the sugar-heavy urine excreted by diabetics to ferment high-end single whisky! Imagine then, the scenario: diabetics regularly attending at their local distillery in order to supply this valuable resource, gaining credits in return in order to fund their treatment! The resultant spirit can then be sold throughout the world, carrying the renowned imprimatur of the Scottish Government!

(With huge thanks to @CureT1Diabetes for the inspiration!)

Another diabetic? Ah! Please just join the queue
And pick a flagon of your choice from those in front of you.
I hope you’ve been behaving, and kept those levels high!
We have to keep the quality up – it’s hard, but we must try!

What’s that? You’ve never done this? You’re newly-diagnosed?
Then let me tell you what the Scottish Government has proposed!
You’ll know it costs a lot to treat you, now you’re diabetic?
Well here’s a way we’re hoping that you’ll help us to offset it!

You’ll have to come here twice a week to earn your testing strips,
And glug a flagon of this juice – no dainty little sips!
You might try eating salted nuts to sharpen up your thirst,
Then hopefully your bladder will be full up fit to burst!

Then make your way just over there – you’ll see a wooden trough,
Try to hold your breath because the smell might make you cough!
When you’re finished, shake your thing so we don’t lose a drop,
And in return then you will earn a voucher for our shop!

You’ll find a nice selection there of whiskies we’ve produced –
We sell them all around the world, so health costs are reduced!
So, if you’ve ever wondered what’s beneath a Scotsman’s kilt,
It’s a pint or two of liquid gold, and ne’er a drop is spilt!

Diabotic - Accu Chick!

The latest addition to the diabotics range of creatures constructed from the assorted debris and detritus of diabolical diabetes!

Materials:

1 x Accu Chek test strips box
1 x outer needle cover

2 x Novorapid insulin cartridges

4 x inner needle covers

20 x needle tip covers

32 x Accu chek test strips

Doctor Dim

Unfortunately, it seems that the healthcare professionals charged with our care are of variable quality up and down the country, particularly General Practitioners. Some are excellent, with an up to date knowledge of the latest research and treatment methods, very supportive of their patients and concerned primarily for their welfare. Others, sadly, are more concerned with budgets, reducing costs and restricting appointment times rigidly to a measly ten minutes. These latter GPs are also likely to be the ones who are still operating on the knowledge they gained in an afternoon as a student, twenty years previously. I have a good GP who understands that I know about my diabetes better than her, as I deal with it every day, but she is supportive, listens to my concerns, and prescribes the things I need. However, some GPs are loathe to prescribe blood testing strips, particularly to Type 2 diabetics who are not on insulin, on the grounds that they cannot use the information effectively. This is not true, as all diabetics need to know how food affects their blood glucose levels so that they can make necessary adjustments to their diet and lifestyle – the only way they can do this is to test and ‘learn from their meter’. We can only do our best in the face of such ignorance, stand our ground and use the logic of our arguments to ensure we get the level of care we need.

It looks to me as if you’ve let
Your levels get too low,
Trust me, I’m a doctor,
So I think that I should know!

I think you need to test your blood,
But only once a week,
There is no need to test it more,
You’d be a testing freak!

We have to save the pennies here,
And strips are too expensive
For you to test at every meal,
That would be too intensive!

Now, insulin – I’ve noticed that
You’re using far too much!
I’d like you to reduce it please,
You only need a touch.

What’s that you say? I can’t be right?
I think you’ll find, my dear,
Even though you think you know,
That I’m the doctor here!

I’m sorry, but the buzzer’s gone,
And now your time is up –
I haven’t had my coffee yet,
I’m gasping for a cup!

Come back again in six month’s time,
And please take every pill,
We’ll check your blood and find out if
You’re diabetic still…!