Influenza Extravaganza! Step this way!

As a diabetic, I fall into the extra risk category should I contract flu. The extra stresses placed on the body’s systems trying to fight off the virus can result in climbing blood sugars which, if not properly controlled, can result in high levels of ketones with the potential for developing DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) – a life-threatening condition. For this reason, I am advised to have a vaccination against the most common strains in the autumn of each year to provide extra protection. For me, under the NHS, the vaccination is provided free of charge. However, my doctor receives a payment from the NHS for every patient he treats, and since the process only takes a few seconds this can be a very lucrative venture.

In order to maximise this earning potential, the surgery tries to encourage as many people as it can to take up the offer. When I was dropping off a prescription yesterday I was quite astounded at all the brightly coloured bunting and flashy posters decorating the whole place, as though there was some huge, historic celebration planned! And so I imagined, what might the doctor’s letter be like inviting me to this extravaganza…?

The postman came, is it for me? My goodness, what is this?
A letter from my doctor, oh no! Something must be amiss!
Dare I open it, and see what fate is in store for me?
Or should I leave it sealed and stay in ignorance, fear free?

The envelope is staring up, I can’t escape its gaze!
Oh, how I wish I’d given up my wild, unhealthy ways!
My doctor never writes to me, just when the news is bad,
But no – I’ll have to open it, or it will drive me mad!

What’s this? A card all glittery? Whatever could it be?
A party invitation? And please ‘RSVP’?
What joyous grand occasion are the celebrations for?
I read on in bewilderment, in order to learn more…

‘We’re happy to inform you, after months of preparation,
The time’s arrived for you to have your new flu vaccination!
There’ll be some cakes and sandwiches, and of course a bar,
But if you intend drinking, please leave behind your car.’

I couldn’t wait! The day arrived, I walked into the room,
The disco lights were flashing, I could hear the music boom!
And party poppers threw their coloured streamers in the air,
And conga-dancing patients laughed and weaved between the chairs!

A pretty nurse came up to me and whispered in my ear.
‘Would you like to join me in my office over here?
I’ve got something to give you – I promise it won’t hurt!
And it will make it easier if you first remove your shirt!’

So willingly I followed her, my shirt fell to the floor,
I gazed at her expectantly as she swiftly closed the door.
‘Now close your eyes for my surprise, I’m sure you’ll find it fun!’
She stuck a needle in my arm, announcing ‘There! All done!’

Oh Weeping Nostrils!

I have a cold. Typical, just when I was getting back into my running now that the better weather and brighter days have arrived. I shouldn’t really run when I’m ill as it puts extra strain on my system when it’s already trying to fight the infection. The last time I had a proper cold I didn’t have diabetes to go along with it. Now I’m having to keep a close eye on my blood sugar levels to make sure they don’t climb too high, and it’s quite possible that, if they do I’ll have to start peeing on sticks to see if I have any ketones (they’re the nasties that turn your blood into acid and put you in hospital). Oh, woe is me! Actually, I seem to have got off quite lightly since diagnosis, illness-wise, so I can’t really complain. I’m just hoping this cold goes soon so I can start clearing the backlog on my 1000 mile/1000 km challenge that I’ve got significantly behind on due to the awful winter. If only Kate Bush would pop round and take a few hours out of her busy schedule to minister to my needs…

Oh Nostrils, why do you weep so?
And Throat, why feel so sore?
And Eyes, who filled you full of sand?
And Head, could you hurt more?

It’s flu, I say! Despite my jab
That should save me from harm,
My sugar levels are creeping up,
I may have bought the farm!

Oh where is Kate, with her soft hands
To mop my fevered brow?
No doubt gone Wuthering on the Moor…
Oh what shall I do now?

OK, it’s man-flu, I confess,
It’s sympathy I seek,
Or else, I swear, it’s certain I’ll
Be dead within a week!

No flu for me!

I had my seasonal flu jab yesterday. The surgery had the task of injecting everyone off to a fine art. When I entered, there was a queue of about five or six people, but by the time the receptionist had checked my name on her list, it was my turn to go in! About fifteen seconds later, it was all done! I remember reading somewhere that GPs get a payment for each patient they inject, something like five or six pounds. Given that the whole procedure took about thirty seconds per person, that’s somewhere in the region of £600 an hour – not a bad rate of pay!

I felt absolutely nothing when injected, although my arm is aching slightly now. I’d much rather have the injection than the real thing. Being diabetic means that my blood sugar control would go haywire if I caught flu, with a quite serious risk of diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). Since that was what landed me up in hospital at diagnosis, I know exactly what it’s like, and NEVER want to suffer that again!

So, I’ll be off again in a couple of weeks or so for the swine flu jab. Some scaremongering stories have been doing the rounds, but from the more respected sources I have read, the dangers are minimal, and not to be compared with the problems they encountered in the mid-1970s when some Americans died from sde effects from the vaccine being used at the time. There are risks with all sorts of things, and you just have to weigh up the evidence and make an informed decision. After a year of living with diabetes, I no longer take the word of medical staff as sacrosanct – they often can’t agree with each other so you quickly come to realise that you need to be pro-active with your health choices. This is why I stopped taking statins, although the jury is still out on whether I need to keep taking a daily aspirin. Nine drugs down, two to go!

Just roll up your sleeve now,
You won’t feel a thing,
That’s not totally truthful,
Sometimes it can sting!
But having this jab
Will be better for you
Than a serious dose
Of the seasonal flu!
So don’t be a baby,
Just give me your arm,
I’ll inject this dead virus
To keep you from harm…
In a couple of weeks time
We’ll see you again
For your swine flu vaccine -
We don’t know quite when –
Then that’s it for the winter,
We’ll see you next year,
That’s two bad diseases
You no longer need fear!