The Weigh In

We happened to be talking on the forum about the nurse who had spent an entire consultation relating her own troubles and woes (see Nurse Ne’er Do Well), and another member related the story of how she met a similarly insensitive and rude nurse at her diabetic check up. Apparently, the nurse was an agency nurse who normally worked at a Harley Street weight-loss clinic which promoted an extreme diet of yoghurt and soup for two weeks. Without a thought for the lady’s feelings, or even her need for such a diet, she continued on…here’s what happened:

Off for my check up, weight, BP and wiz,
It’s an agency nurse who’s conducting the biz,
So as you might do, in a jocular way,
‘I hope I haven’t gained any!’, I happened to say.

She raised her right eyebrow, in Roger Moore style,
And pursing her lips, looked down at my file.
‘Just take off your boots please, and stand on the scales,
Haven’t seen so much blubber since I went watching whales!

I found that offensive, and was about to say so,
When she spouted forth wisdom she thought I should know.
She put down her pen as she warmed to her cause,
And gave me no chance as she said without pause:

‘You don’t have to be big and hefty my dear!
I know that for women your size that’s a fear,
There’s an easy solution you really must try –
Either that, or grow fat, so fat you might die!’

‘Two cans of soup, the Weight Watchers kind,
Plus six natural yoghurts, and I think you will find
That after two weeks you’ll have lost thirty pounds,
And be able to walk without shaking the ground!’

At this I was speechless, for what did I see?
But a twenty stone nurse who was talking to me!
‘You should take your own medicine, for I strongly advise
That you give up the booze and stop eating the pies!’

Treacle Pud!

When I was in hospital after being diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic I was very pleasantly surprised to discover that very little in the way of food was actually forbidden. As soon as I began treatment with insulin my appetite returned with a vengeance! Over the previous two years as my diabetes had probably been developing, I had been losing weight at the rate of 1-2 pounds a month, finishing off with a further 17 pounds in the three days prior to my admission! So, I went from 11st 5lbs (159 pounds) to 8st 4lbs (116 pounds), a radical weight loss. Now that I was receiving adequate supplies of insulin, I wanted to eat, eat and eat! I had to fill out menu sheets for my three meals a day, and because it was a hospital each food choice was marked with a letter to say whether it was suitable for people with particular conditions – in my case ‘D’ for diabetes. There was virtually nothing that was excluded…except treacle pudding! Quite understandably, of course, since it contains sugar in one of its purest forms and likely to cause a big spike in blood glucose levels.

I don’t want to live out my life being denied this heavenly nectar, so I think I will set aside a Treacle Pud Day, maybe once a year, and treat myself…!

Diabetes can be so capricious,
In fact, I’d say even malicious!
So there’s no Treacle Pud,
Even though it’s so good,
And undoubtedly very nutritious!

Now my menus are poorer by far
Since omitting my syrupy star…
Diabetes is to blame,
Custard’s not quite the same
On onions plucked from a jar!

But perhaps once a year (at the least!)
I’ll indulge in a treacly feast!
It’ll be so delicious
And fulfil all my wishes –
So take that! You Blood Sugar Beast!