Stop messing with my head, accursed Diabetes Fairy!

Haven’t done a post about my running for a while, partly because it seems to have been very hit and miss this year. Had a poor month in February, great month in March, lazy again in April, and really starting to get back into it in May. Things have changed from my March regime though, principally the fact that, as the day begins much earlier I have been getting up at around 5:15, thus generally getting my run in before 8:00. As I now need to eat and inject before going for a run, and allow time for the food to digest and the insulin to start peaking, I usually step out around 90 minutes after eating. All well and good, but what I consequently have to deal with is that my regular lunchtime is now around 7 hours after my breakfast, a long time to go without food or further injections.

So, I have been trying a little experiment over the past few days. On the first occasion, a few days ago, I decided that I would eat some toast and inject a small amount of insulin to cover it, shortly after completing my run. The result? Hypos all the way through to lunchtime! On the next occasion I decided to see what would happen if I ate the toast but didn’t inject for it. Result? My level prior to eating was 6.8 mmol/l (122 mg/dl) and by lunchtime it was 5.7 mmol/l (103 mg/dl) – I didn’t need any insulin for that toast! I have just repeated the experiment today, after a much shorter run. I was 7.0 mmol/l (126 mg/dl) after the run, ate some toast, and then was 5.2 mmol/l (94 mg/dl) before lunch! So the scenario with me seems to be:

1) Eat nothing for breakfast, levels normally creep up to the 7s/8s by lunchtime.

2) Eat breakfast, no run, levels usually in 5s/6s by lunchtime

3) Eat breakfast, go for run but eat nothing after, levels in 7s/8s by lunchtime

4) Eat breakfast, go for run and have toast afterwards, levels in low 5s!

Nothing’s ever simple is it?

The Melon Cure!

There are lots of natural remedies that can help people with diabetes maintain good blood glucose levels, although their efficacy is often difficult to prove, and relying on them can be potentially dangerous. One such remedy is bitter melon, or bitter gourd, and the majority of advocates of this recommend eating the fruit or seeds, or taking the active ingredients in a supplement.

However, in the wacky world of diabetes, there’s always one stand-out fruitloop who puts forward a bizarre slant of their own, and offering a cure. Bitter melon is no exception. I won’t publicise the site that suggests this, but the method is as follows:

“Take half kg of bitter gourd in a big container and stand in it with clean feet. Then crush the bittergourds with your feet continuously. Then you will start to get the bitter taste of bittergourd in your tongue. Getting the taste of bittergourd without eating, is in itself a miracle. Do this daily for about 7 days. Then check your blood sugar level. When you do this ‘exercise’ regularly remain assured that your blood glucose level will remain in control.”

So, let us imagine then a specialised Cure Centre, run by a hard-nosed and officious instructor who will, for a fee, ensure you comply with the demands of the cure…

Keep your knees up number three! I want to see you sweat!
If you put in the work then this will cure you, don’t you fret!
And number five – I’m watching you! Stop paddling around!
I should be hearing squelching, but I hardly hear a sound!

Excuse me, are you Norman? I’m here about the cure.
I thought I’d found the right address, but now I’m not so sure!
No, you’re not mistaken, have you got your receipt?
Ah yes, that seems in order, now let me see your feet!

Cubicle number four is free, it just needs swilling out,
So go and get your swimsuit on and I’ll give you a shout!
I’m sorry? I don’t follow you – don’t I get a pill?
Don’t be so ridiculous! Now, in here if you will…

Now, on the rail behind you, suspended from a cord
You’ll find a row of melons, also known as bitter gourd.
Nut them with your forehead and split them on the ground,
And then get those legs pumping, and your feet stomping around!

I’ll make sure you keep working, so there’ll be no slacking off –
I want to see your melons pulverised inside that trough!
If you make the effort and maintain a good technique,
Then I can guarantee you – you’ll be cured within a week!

Mr Worsnip Goes to Jail

Regular readers may remember the enterprising Supermarket Manager, Mr Worsnip, who initiated the first ever ‘Diabetic’s Day’ where diabetics were invited to come and shop in his store with free meters, insulin and jelly babies laid on to get them through their visit (see Supermarkets of the Future). Sadly, it has been uncovered that the store was operating subtle and hidden marketing techniques to try and induce extra, impulsive purchases of unnecessary luxury items. The most dangerous of these was the alteration of the frequency of the store’s fluorescent lights which, it turned out, were set at just the exact wavelength to trigger severe hypoglycaemia in the oblivious diabetics!

I am convinced that this is the reason why I have suffered so many hypos on my shopping trips to the local Tescos – and why I do not suffer the same fate in Waitrose or the Co-operative! Clearly, Tescos must be using the same techniques as Mr Worsnip to try and shift those piles of Ferrero Rocher outside of the Christmas season!

Mr Worsnip, you are charged that you did subliminally induce
A diabetic’s hypo, without warning or excuse!
We have gathered all the evidence, and are ready to proceed,
So tell me Mr Counsel, how does the defendant plead?

Not guilty, Your Honour, however could he know
That this frequency of light waves could make a diabetic low?
It was only his intention to try and sell more Shredded Wheat,
And not send people hypo, and falling at his feet!

And if you please, Your Honour, I’d also like to say
Mr Worsnip started Diabetic Supermarket Day!
He laid on entertainment and honey roasted ham,
And heavily discounted all his diabetic jam!

Would such a man endanger diabetics in his store?
The thought is so distressing that it hurts him to the core!
Head office had insisted that the lights were safe to use,
It’s they who should be standing here – them you should accuse!

Mr Worsnip, with his knowledge of the diabetic state
Should have stood his ground and not complied, but alas now it’s too late!
His greed for selling Shredded Wheat overcame his commonsense,
So, without ado, that’s enough from you! Let sentencing commence!

Poetry in a Picture

I ran my meter readings through my computer software yesterday and was astonished to see that every reading bar one was within my target range of between 4 and 7 mmol/l (72 - 126 mg/dl)! Only one hypo all week! Heavens, I must be cured! (If it wasn't for all that jabbing with needles I still have to do...!) So, probably one of my favourite diabetes pictures since diagnosis.

Diabetes Training School for the Uncaring

I was pretty appalled to read a post from one of our forum members this morning in which she explained how dreadfully her daughter had been spoken to when she went to have a foot injury examined at the minor injuries unit. The nurse gave the daughter (only 16 and not long diagnosed) a lecture with dire warnings about false legs and amputations! Where do they get these people from? It’s almost as if there is a special school where such people are trained to be as tactless and ignorant as possible – hopefully not all students at that school comply with their training!

Hello, I’m your instructor for the diabetes course,
I’ll teach you how to make them weep and tremble with remorse!
And if I ever hear of patients leaving with a smile,
That’s immediate suspension –no ifs, no buts, no trial!

I’ve got a few scenarios, and I’d like you to explain
How badly you would handle them, and inflict the greatest pain!
Nurse Jenkins, you look dubious, so I think I’ll start with you –
Your patient says she’s hurt her foot, so tell me what you’d do.

‘Well, first I’d put her at her ease, and say it’s very good
She decided that she’d see me just as early as she could.
And then I would examine her as gently as can be,
And reassure her, if I can, that it’s infection-free.’

No, NO!!!!! You have to frighten her, and make the poor girl fear
Her foot’s already gangrenous and won’t survive the year!
Castigate and bully her, until the poor girl cries
And thinks that there’s no hope for her, no matter how she tries!

‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it! That’s surely not the way!
A patient needs encouragement to get them through the day!
So you can take your course and stick it where the Sun don’t shine –
I’ll treat the patients my way, and I’m sure I’ll do just fine!